Le "Poop"

I have a child. A beautiful little girl. At least I think she's beautiful. People agree. Lip service or not, I appreciate the gesture. I can't be sure because I have said that not-quite-beautiful-children were beautiful. Who want's to piss off a new mother? Some of them are sleep deprived hormonal psychos. And you can't tell which ones they are just by looks. Trust me, I know.

Either way, my child has not "pooped" (yes, that is what parents call it after they can't say shit anymore) well in about a week. Having that said, I never thought that so much of my life would revolve around some one (other than myself) "pooping". She has been pushing out these little rocks that beg to be called turds, but are not "poop". "Poop" is a very special thing.

 

"Poop" has a consitency somewhere between oatmeal and peanut butter. And a smell that would rival anything you've ever stepped in. "Poop" makes a baby happy. "Poop" comes in many colours. There's green, yellow, brown, and even blue. "Poop", though smelling like the ass of a rancid something with a nasty whatever, is a powerful thing.

Thus, the lack of "poop" is also a powerful thing. "Poop" abides by the laws of physics. Everything has an opposite and equal reaction. And the opposite of "poop" is constipation. And is painful to everyone involved. No "poop" for baby. No sleep for mummy. The spiral continues from there. Mum is mean and angry and behaves like an ass to all she encounters thus pissing off everyone she meets. I am beginning to think that wars may have begun because of the lack of "poop". No one should say "the shit hit the fan". They should say "there is not shit to hit the fan". That is much scarier. 

But for now my child is sleeping and I shall soon sleep too. And visions of "poop" will dance in my head. But until "poop" happens, please, be kind. The next time a woman is rude or mean to you, remember her child may not have "pooped" for days. And that is how wars are begun.