What Does the Doggie Say?

If you ask Beans what the doggie says she'll tell you, "arf arf arf." However, that answer would be wrong right now.

Jason and I are sitting back, enjoying some of the baby's bed time and suddenly we hear this noise. Like a guttural, deep, howl. We look at each other, perplexed. Then I say, "Sadie."

We go to check on her and she's just fine. I guess she thought a bellowing lullaby would be nice. I've never heard her make such a noise.

I guess tomorrow we'll have to teach Beans that the doggie says, "owuooooooogh, owoooooough!"

A Very Bean-y Christmas

Beans has experienced Christmas. And lucky for her, my mother-in-law does it like no one else. There's all out and then there's Caroline. It's the literal definition of awesome. Here are a few candid photos from the big day.

Beans going after the pimento cheese dip my uncle made. I don't like pimento cheese, but I love his. And Beans could not and would not stay out of it.

Beans with her "Me Mama" (my grandmama). They were both pretty pleased with the situation.

 

Beans speanding time with her Grundada and her Auntie Logie. Again, pretty pleased.

Beans checking out Aunt Stegie's cook book. That child loves food.

Munching on the new keys. Only thing better than keys... food.

What is she doing? Oh yeah. Going for the cheese... again.

It was warm and toasty here, so she came out of the pajamas. And ate some more food. This shot was taken not long after she literally ate face first out of my dad's hand. 

And this one wraps it up for now. A happy overwhelmed baby girl.

All in all it was a whirl wind of gifts, food, and family. I'm beat and tired, and would do it all again in a heart beat. But, I'll happily wait 364 days. No problem at all.

Who Throws a Shoe,... Seriously?

If you haven't heard, there was a man in Iraq that threw both of his shoes at President Bush. I love this story which can be read here (and in many other places if you google news results for "shoe"). 

I remember, several years ago, watching the statues of Saddam Hussein fall to the ground at the hands of the Iraqi peoples. I also remember seeing them hitting the statues with their shoes. A friend of mine thought it was particularly amusing and really enjoyed it when I explained why they were hitting the statues with shoes.

I spent part of my childhood in Egypt. I grew up knowing full well that you do not even show the bottom of your show to someone of Arab culture. It is worse to them than a middle finger in the States. It's bad. Seriously bad.

So, who throws a shoe, I ask. Someone who really does not like you. At all. Seriously.

Baby Update: My Tiny Tempest

We have entered a new phase. It's not really cute, it's a bit painful. To my ears mostly. At about 10 months, it turns out that babies go through this phase. Tantrums. It's not because she's a brat or mean, but because she's learning. She can't talk but has needs and desires and now better way to express them than screaming at the tops of her lungs.

When she wants up. Or to play with that thing. Or she wants out of the car seat mid-ride. Or she suddenly very hungry...

So what is one to do you ask? Don't give in. Wait out the screaming. The shrill, high-pitched, piercing screaming.

At least she looks funny when she's busting my ear drums. Parenthood.

Season's Greetings!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Green Sketches and Ham

Sometimes, I find awesomeness on the internet. I found this just now. If you were wondering where the adorable yet crazed-looking gingerbread man came from, here you go. His name is Greg Ham and he has a blog on Blogger too.

Gingerbread Man Time!

It's that time. I can bake my heart out and no one will question it. I'm a little hesitant to do it most of the year. I'm already a stay-at-home mum and housewife. Throwing in baking would be too much. 

But when it gets to be December, it's just good. People like to eat cookies and no one is going to make fun of me for baking them. And if they do, they get no cookie.

So what will I be baking this year... gingerbread cookies, shortbread cookies, "Christmas king cake", coconut pies, and whatever else strikes me!

Insomnia

It's the middle of the night. I am awake. It's cold. My child is asleep. My husband is asleep. Even the bear is asleep.

I would love to go to sleep. I love my bed. I hate lying awake in it. 

I am waiting until I am so tired that maybe, just maybe, I'll fall asleep when I get into bed.

I detest insomnia.

A Thousand Words

I really have been trying to think of something funny and smart to say about this picture. It's been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. This one must be priceless. I can't think a single word that needs to be said. Seriously. Look at that. What can be said about this photo that that facial expression doesn't already say. Time and date taken, and that's about it.

Baby Update: These Feet Were Made For Walking

As you may have read, yesterday was a day of painful recovery for Jason and me. There was, however, a brief moment, about 10 seconds, when I felt no pain. It was a beautiful moment of elation that removed Jason and me from our struggles with our bowels. 

Beans took three consecutive steps.

She hasn't done it since, but she's on her way to full, upright mobility. She again wanted something I was holding (in my sicken haze, I can't even remember what I was holding) and she took the little steps. One, two, three. It was amazing! 

Three small steps for baby, one giant leap for mummy's heart!

The Worst Is Over

Today is Thanksgiving. Today I am thankful that I could eat something more bulky than Gatorade and broth, albeit a delicious broth of chicken, ginger, and lemon.

If you're moderately sickened when it come to tales of illness, you should forego reading this post. Seriously. You should stop right here. Or back there at the period. Or at that last one or at the one coming up.

Beans had a stomach bug earlier this week. She actually threw up, not spit up, and has had booboorrhea, as we call it around here. Night before last she seemed to be feeling much better. Held down some bananas and applesauce and a bit or rice. Not a fan of it as it was not very flavourful. I should be particularly proud of my baby girl because she learned effortlessly to share. Yes, she gave Jason and me her bug. We spent the whole night taking turns on the toilet with a bucket.

The next day (yesterday) was awful. Poor Beans had to spend most of it playing in her play yard in the bend of our L-shaped couch or had to sit with us on the couch and cuddle, while Jason and I attempted to entertain her and recover. Luckily she was feeling better, but not well. She was moving a little slower than usual.

We had three heros come to our aid yesterday too. Our awesome friend Anh left orange Gatorade on our door step and Jason's parents left us formula for Beans. Jason wanted Gatorade (specifically orange) so badly that at 3am amidst the yaking he decided to go get some. It was a short lived venture as he had to run back to use the facilities before he even got out the front door. And of course in our condition yesterday, we'd have never made it out to get formula for the little girl.

But today is a better day. We woke up and we able to stand with no weak, achey knees, swerving stomachs, or pounding heads. Anh also came by to bring us food. We got some Thanksgiving dinner from the Truong family! It was so good. Seriously. The stuffing had sausage and apples in it! Not to mention Beans got to see her buddy and that always makes everyone happy.

Although it has been a small, uneventful turkey day, I am very thankful for many things on this day. My family's health, my in-laws, my wonderful friends, left-overs, and the simple fact that my knees aren't aching! Happy Thanksgiving to all!

How Could I Not?

As I was washing baby bottles today, I was looking at the violets in the window. Nearly two months ago Jason brought them in. They had sprouted as a weed in another flower's pot in our back yard. He brought them in in a spray paint can top. And there, in the window, they have sat for almost two months, blooming continually. 

Yes, they have been blooming for two months straight. It clicked that my husband doesn't have a green thumb or two, he has green hands. All out green hands. Maybe wrists too.

This was wonderful, but what really made me feel in complete awe of him was the empty dishwasher. I went to unload to find that it was unloaded. I should also mention that he got up with Beans last night to feed her and got up with her this morning and let me sleep in a much needed extra hour.

And then this evening, I was looking at my tired face in the bathroom mirror while I was running Bean's bath. I look tired. Rough. I'm in my mid twenties and I already have dark circles, bags, and wrinkles around my eyes. Just as I was feeling really bad, I remember the simple comment Jason had made about 15 minutes before. I was cleaning the dishes after dinner and he simply stated that I looked pretty.

How could I not adore this man?

Baby Update: First Step

I don't have picture to go with this, sorry. But I nearly passed out yesterday when Beans took a tiny step. It was little, but it was a step. 

I was holding a book and her baby powder and she wanted them, badly. So the left foot moved forward. Then the right foot came to meet the left. Then she of course grabbed the book and powder and plopped down.

Anh and I started clapping for Beans. Beans had no idea why we were clapping, she was just happy that we were.

Hooray for Beans and her first step.

Turtle Baby

I was putting old photos on my new computer and came across this one. I couldn't resist posting it. 

This is the photo that inspired Bean's turtle costume. She's my beautiful baby girl. And if any one has the right to call her a turtle, it's me. And yes, I know it's kind of making fun, but seriously. She looks like a little baby turtle.

Doesn't she. You know she does. It's okay. You can agree. I give you permission to laugh at my baby's turtle-like cuteness. Tee hee hee.

Christmas Came Early to my Laundry Room

Behold! My new high speed, high efficiency, front loading washer and dryer! It's like I was just given a brand new Ferrari 360 Modena for my clothes! And yes, I'm completely aware of the hilarity of the fact that I'm a stay-at-home mom/wife and that's I'm excited about this. And you know what... I do not care. It's just too freaking awesome to care what anyone thinks! And please note that all the exclamation points in this post should be read as joyous screaming. Yeah!

And in case you were wondering how I came to be the proud owner of these beautiful machines, I have an awesome uncle and grandmother who love me. And I love them - and still would even if they didn't give me this awesome early Christmas present! Thank you!

Baby Update: Mac & Cheese

Beans tried a new food yesterday. Mac and cheese, or more officially, Velveeta Shells & Cheese.

 

She sat on the kitchen floor playing with toys and pots and spatulas whilst I cooked noodles. Then she and I drained the noodles and we and the dog sampled a few. Then we poured on the orangey yellow cheese sauce goodness and stirred. We then went to the living room and ate mac and cheese until our hearts and tummies were content. And as you may be able to tell from the photo, Bean's heart, tummy, and taste buds were content and very happy.  

Hooray for mac and cheese and happy babies.

Lucky Hungry Me

I'm sorry that you can't taste this. Really, I am. Jason made homemade vegetable beef soup. The veggies are fresh, the beef is tender, and the spice is perfect. But of course, it doesn't stop there. 

He also made cracked pepper bread. It's soft and peppery on the inside. And the outer crust is perfect for dipping. And yes, that's real "clog-your-arteries-oh-so-good" butter you see smeared all over it.

This is just one of the plethora of reasons that I love that man. I love food. He love food. He loves to cook. He cooks good food. I love to eat good food that he loves to cook. We go together like vegetable beef soup and cracked pepper bread. 

More Halloweenery

I figured that I need to post a few more photos. I have a feeling certain peoples would  not be satisfied with a mere two photos. So here's to you, you know who you are.

Kelsey modeling the shell for Jason.

The shell nearing completion.

Happy turtle Bean with sun burned Dada.

Mummy following her turtle baby.

Beans decided to join this family. Literally, she sat with Robin and her girls for about an hour.

Turtle Beans nearing the end of the night, worn out and full of Halloween goodness.

We really did have a great time. And I'm already thinking about next year, when she'll be walking... Only 358 days to plan! Hahaha!

First Bean Halloween

So I've been taking my happy time getting these up, but finally, there are baby Halloween photos!

As you can see the costumes were edited. There was no Hunter S. Thompson and there was no mummy. Jason and I did cop-out costumes that despite their ease were a big hit. We were sun burned Hawaiian tourists. Hawaiian shirt, camera, Crocs, and leis... voila! Hawaiian tourists! 

The sun burn you ask? Black Radiance Ruby Rouge. Yes, that's cheap drug store blush giving Jason that sun burned glow. Effective, eh?

And Beans was a cute little cooter. My baby turtle. It was so funny. She crawled around the party like she was on a mission - she always crawls that way. She firmly plants each hand with a dedicated plop, pushing with her left knee and propelling with her right foot. At one point she made her way through the kitchen. The best part of the being the instantaneous "awww"s and giggles that lined her path.

Needless to say, she had a blast. She got to try all sorts of new foods and meet new people who wanted to hold her and feed her and so on. She couldn't ask for more. 

And then of course when it was all said and done, she fell asleep on the ride home and most certainly had dreams of sugary treats. All in all, Halloween 2008 = major fun success!

Hunter S. Thompson, a Turtle, and a Mummy

What do these things have in common? They will be our Halloween costumes this year. 

Jason has decided to be Hunter S. Thompson. We have to find a hat, a cigarette holder, and perhaps a plaid jacket. I'm also going to make a press pass for him. 

Beans is going to be a little turtle. I'm going to make her a little shell out of felt, something like a pillow. 

And I will be a mummy (and no, it's not a coincidence that this is my first Halloween as a mummy). I'm just going to wear white leggings 

and a white shirt and wrap myself in gauze. I can't figure out what shoes mummy should wear though.

I'm not totally sold on mummy yet. There's the potential of going as the Morton's Salt Girl. I have yellow rain boots and can make a yellow dress easily (with help from an awesome friend). But the mummy thing is just really funny.

I have a week to decide... hmmm. Hmmm.

A Thought That I Second

Check out this blog post from 4get2remember. I like it. The message and Wanda Sykes.

Baby Update: 9 Month Check Up

Beans had her 9 month check up on the 16th - 9 months to the day. She weighed in at 20 pounds and 12 ounces and is a whopping 2 feet 5 inches tall. She's on track developmentally and a little ahead in some areas. The only thing she's not doing (that the pediatrician asked about) is waving bye-bye. I have faith that will come soon. I'm not stressing it. She's too busy pulling up and standing (on her own now) to wave bye-bye. 

On a not so cute and sweet note, she had to have her blood drawn like an adult, from the arm. She was held down and screamed and wailed. You'd think they were stabbing her with the needle repeatedly. I haven't seen her that shade of red since she was born. It was heart wrenching. And when they finished she clung to me with teary eyes and I thought she'd never let go. She usually smiles at the nurses when all is said and done, but not this time. She was pissed.

But back to the happy, she got her first sucker. A bubble-gum Dum-Dum. She loved it. So much in fact, that when I took it away to get her ready to go, she began screaming. So the PA gave us another (watermelon flavoured) to take home. Her dada got to give her that one. They both enjoyed it very much. Jason has been dying to give her sweets. He finally got his way.

So at  9 months, Beans is a happy healthy baby girl! Hooray! And she doesn't have to go back (unless she's sick) until January! Hooray again!

Awesomeness Taken for Granted

It came to my attention that in all my ranting, I haven't once mentioned any of the awesomeness that is my Jason. Allow me to remedy the issue.

The first picture you see is Jason's chili. We had a cold snap, and he made the deliciousness you see before you. Not only that, but baked potatoes in which to put the chili. Another bonus, Beans got to try (and loved) chili.

The next day, I was presented with "chili nachos" - the most

amazing hybrid food I've had in ages. Tortilla chips, jalapenos, cheese, chili, awesomeness. I came home to this and a peaceful sleeping baby after a crapy night of working late. Super and supper.

And lately, he and his father and brother have been repairing our leaky roof. It's quite amazing. The picture doesn't show the true nature of the project. It got much messier. They took half the roof off the house, insulated, replaced all sorts of rotted wood, and then put new roof on! I can't do that. All that's left is shingles. 

I can't do that either.

And this last photo was taken last night. Jason over the past two day, made salsa and jalapeno poppers. They are truly delicacies! We had some friends and family over and he made a feast. In addition to the salsa and poppers, he made grilled raspberry-chipotle chicken. It was so good. There were rants and raves and "mmmm" and stuffed people all around.

But by far, one of the best things he does is make this little girl happy. He's an awesome dada. Last night, as I was getting ready to put Beans to bed (which is something dada does every night after I do bath time), he jumped in and said he wanted to do it. Not because he felt bad for asking me too, but because he couldn't give it up. He needed to put his little girl to bed. Go ahead, say "awww". 

I'm not sure  what I did to get so lucky. I'm just glad that I am. He is my awesomeness.

"Chillax"

Just found this picture of Beans. It reminded me of a word I started using when she was born... "chillax". It's obviously a combo of "chill" and "relax". It's exactly what I wanted her to do at the time. I just really enjoy this picture of her "chillaxing".

Baby Update: Day 9 of Antibiotics

We have one more day of the tropical flavoured goop and we're finished. All gone! And I think it shows. Beans is a little more clingy and not sleeping well, but she's not running a fever or rubbing her ear. Things are looking up.

I think she's teething pretty seriously right now. She's "grown" another new tooth recently. That makes a totally of five. She seems to like chewing on her tooth brush. She doesn't get it, but we're starting the good oral hygiene early.

Other than that, everything is going well. She's been eating all sorts of new foods. Everything from Vietnamese noodles to french fries with buffalo sauce. And of course still loving the classics, peaches, green beans, rice.

She's also really enjoying her new buddies, Anh, Heather, and Florian. She has been trying to eat Anh's tattoos. We're not sure why, but she's been trying. She loves to hang out with Heather and Florian and loves their "poo pods" as they are lovingly called (dogs). Heather lets her play on the drum and watches the Wiggles on YouTube and They Might Be Giants' Here Come the ABC's and I think Florian is just tall like her dada so he seems familiar.

I've been working a lot a missing her, but she's getting quality time with the dada. They seem to have fun. I come home to smiley (yet filthy, from playing) baby girl and a happy hubby. They're really great. This is where your heart should feel warm and fuzzy and you let out a contented sigh... aaahhhh.

Baby Update: Poor Kiddo

Little Beans has her first ear infection. Last night she was a fussy. Toss and turned in bed. Didn't eat much. Just didn't seem quite right.

This morning, I was holding her and her daddy came over to give her kisses and he thought she was warm. I always think she's warm, but if he thinks it too, something's up. So I took her temperature.

And off to the pediatrician we go. Well, three hours and a pissed off and worn out baby later, we're back at home with antibiotics. She's napping peacefully, but you would be too if you'd been through what she went through this morning. 

She's had a rectal (yes, up the booty) temperature taken three times, awakened from a nap to  be held down to look in her ears, put in and taken out of the car seat three times, and on and on with minor frustrations. Heck, I need a nap too!

On a happier and lighter note, she has yet another tooth. That's right, 4 total. Two on top and 2 on bottom. And she likes to grind them. It's gut wrenching. I'm sure it's a phase, something new and interesting.

But hopefully this ear infection will be an easy one. Into the mouth and over the gums, fruity creamy antibiotic, here it comes!

Poop, Glorious Poop!

We have poop! Beautiful, gross, stinky, make-me-want-to-gag poop! 

Yesterday she had a good one. We were hoping it wasn't fluke poop. And then today, we had two amazing poops! Not one but two! It was a good day in the life of Beans. 

And I have to say the best part of it all... I didn't have to change either of them. Oh yeah.

All is good and right in the jungle.

Baby Update: No Poop, Good Spirits

Just thought I'd mention that Beans has still not had regular bowel movements. She has a good peanut buttery one yesterday, but nothing today. I must say though, she is in good spirits.

She is currently under my chair examining her daddy's brief case. Previously, she was trying to understand the air vent. Her little hairs blow in the cold air. She seems to prefer cold (except post-bath) than hot. She'll wake up at night if she's hot. But she'll sleep happily if it's icy cold.

I digress. If anyone out there has any baby pooping advice, I'm listening. Until poop, we keep on pushing.

Mug Cake Mistake

I have tried the cake in a mug. I must admit first that I did not follow the directions exactly. I was lacking baking cocoa, so I made some substitutions - I just added some cinnamon and nutmeg for flavour. Yeah, flavour. 

So I pulled this out of the microwave. My husband and I decided that if you added bits of apple to it, they might distract from the rubbery greasiness. That's right, rubbery and greasy. But all in all the actual flavour wasn't that bad. Calling it good might have been a stretch.

And it looked like a sponge. I know there's sponge cake, but this just looked like a sponge. And I didn't pry it out of the mug. I ran a knife around the edge and it came out. Why it looks like it's been in a battle? I don't know.

I do think I will try this again. Maybe following the directions correctly will help. If there is a round two, will there be another picture? Of course!

Until next time... I can't bring myself to say "bon apetite". Sorry.

BearHead Designs

My husband and I have decided to create a company blog. It's iron work, so it should be pretty interesting. I'm must admit I'm writing it, but please check it out anyway. Go here. And you can check out our company's website here. Reading might be good for your health. It hasn't been disproven.

Thank You BP!

I am now writting from home. After chaos and anger, the inability to syphon, and several other failed plots to procure gas, my uncle Odd found some gas. I waited in line staring at my little lit up gas pump on the dash for over 1/2 an hour (which is actually not that bad) and was able to actually fill up! The amazing part of it all is that 5 or 6 cars after me, they started turning people away.

I'm glad to have a tank of gas... which I will cherish and conserve with the utmost discretion until the "gas shortage" is over.

Where's the Gas?

For those of you who do not live in my area, we have almost no gas. Thanks Gustav. Due to hurricane Gustav, the gulf shut down the lines that supply a "special blend" of gas to our area. Earlier this week, state officials and some other officials agreed to let our city gas stations sell "normal gas". That was earlier this week.

THEN WHY AM I STRANDED 20 MILES FROM MY HOME?

 I'm "stranded" at my wonderful uncle's condo north of Mid-Town. There is one station that has gas around the corner. My other uncle just came back from a morning out with his parents and they just informed us that that station is now out. Last night in a effort to get home, I went to 6 stations. Found one with gas, and ques 5 cars deep. You couldn't pull into the lot! Then on the way back another station had recieved a shipment - the same one that just ran out. But they had the same lines and we're waiting in the street.

So here we wait. Trying to figure out how to siphen gas from one of the two vehicles we have here with gas. I'm so tired of this Mad Max bull"poop"! And as Max said here I am trying to put sense to it, when I know there isn't any.

And to top it all off, I'm almost out of baby formula, bottle liners and I have to work this afternoon. Yeah, it sucks. Drive conservatively and don't top off! Share the freaking gas!

Baby Update: New Tooth

First there were two and now... there are three! Yes, little 

Beans has sprouted another razor sharp, pearly white.

Beans and I were sitting in the living room, playing and such. She enjoys this "game" (I'll call it that for lack of a better word) in which she sits on my lap and raise my hands above my head, wiggling my fingers and make ridiculous noises, as I bring my hands down to her face and "beep" her nose. And she smiles and looks up and watches the hands coming down for her nose. But today I noticed that her little swollen gums are less swollen and more sharp. Not to mention that she's been chewing on everything she can get her pudgy little mitts on. And I stick my finger in her mouth and just like with the first two, I feel a sharp little tooth, just a centimetre or so above the skin.

I'm hoping this is why she hasn't slept well in two weeks and maybe, just maybe, we're on our way to more sound sleep. There is the constipation issue still, but she is getting some  rabbit-like poop pellets out. But I'm not going to look a gift horse in the butt.

Cake in a Mug? Of Course!

I came across this recipe on a website I frequent. It was posted as "the most dangerous cake recipe in the world". I haven't tried it yet, but I think this is something I'm going to really enjoy. I really like cake. And mugs.

3 MINUTE MUG CAKE

1 coffee mug (microwave safe)

4 tablespoons flour (all purpose)

4 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons baking cocoa

1 egg

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons oil

splash of vanilla

3 tablespoons chocolate chips and/or nuts (optional)

Add the dry ingredients to the mug and mix well. Then, add the egg and again mix well. Add the milk and oil and yet again, mix well. Add your vanilla and optional chips and/or nuts and one final time, mix well.

Put the mug into the microwave and cook for 3 minutes on high. The cake is supposed to rise over the top of the mug, don't worry. Allow to cool a bit, put on a plate (optional), and consume.

It sounds pretty good. I'm looking forward to trying it. But as I do not have baking cocoa and my laziness and ever soaring gas prices prevent me from going to the store, I'm going to try making a vanilla cake. Maybe add in a little cinnamon. I think this has potential.

I'll let you know how is goes.

Baby Updates

As mentioned I have a child. On occasion, I send out "baby updates" to my family and friends. But now, what better way to do that than with a blog. Let me bring you up to date.

Baby Update: By George, She's Got It

July 30, 2008

I should have written this a week ago, but having a kid and being sleep deprived and all...

So she's crawling. She's pretty good at it. Especially when there's no diaper on her butt. She see something she wants and she's off. She's a little mobile id.

I'm so impressed.

Baby Update: One Tough Cookie

August 06, 2008

I was thinking about this today and just though I'd jot it down... and brag.

The baby and I went to get the last of her 6 month immunizations a week or so ago. And she set a new record for shortest crying time. She was chowing down on some bottle when the nurse stuck her. Her eyes get wide at first. Then when the nurse pushes down the syringe, she starts to wail. But the nurse got a band-aid on her leg and I'd put her over my shoulder to console her, she'd stopped. And not only had she stopped crying. She was giggling at the very nurse who'd stuck her seconds before.

About 7 seconds. She's so hard.

Baby Update: She's Evolving Or Holy Crap

August 11, 2008

The baby just learned to pull up today. First she held on to the side of her playpen and I had my hand on her back to steady her. I was impressed by this alone. But then...

This afternoon, I put her in the crib while I went to the toilet. I could hear her playing with her musical crib toy thingy, everything seemed normal. As I was coming back into her room, I noticed she'd gotten really quiet. I come around the corner and there she is, standing, holding the side of her crib, by herself. And she just looks over at me standing in the doorway with this enormous smile as if she's saying "hey check this out! Pretty neat, huh?"

Holy crap. She's evolving.

Baby Update: Chomp

August 20, 2008

Through screaming and fussing, through fevers and bowel issues, through soft pinky gums, two teeth have arisen.

The baby has teeth. Two. Pearly white. Sharp as razors. She can officially begin biting ankles. Please don't kick the biting baby.

Baby Update: Update

September 13, 2008

So it has occurred to me that I haven't written a single thing about the child in a while. Partly due to the fact she's been keeping me so busy.

She's getting bigger. Huge. She will soon rival Godzilla. Okay, not really. She's cuter and doesn't have sonic-city-destroying-breath. But she is big.

She's pulling up on everything. She'd prefer to stand than sit, and crawl than be held. It's problematic in public, because most of  the ground outside is too rough and/or dirty for her. This irritates her and thusly me.

She's drawn to shoes. If I look away, she crawls full speed ahead to the nearest one and begin to chew. We are working on getting the dog to teach the baby not to do this. We figured it's like smoking. The dog can be her support person.

She's also become disinterested in baby food mush. She only wants crunchy. Or textured for that matter. We've pretty much abandoned the mush and have been giving her tiny cut up pieces of steamed veggies, split beans, and rice. She really enjoys beans, peas, and Cheerios. She really enjoys eating a bowl of Cheerios with her daddy in the morning off the big silvery spoon.

Her favourite toys are the remote controls and cell phones. My cell phone has little teeth marks all over it now. And it's new. It's stylish. I'm considering starting a new trend. For a small fee I will let you give your phone to my child to chew on for several hours, leaving you with the same awesome teeth marks. She nor I are responsible for and calls made to 911 or expensive 900 numbers. It is recommended that you have your phone keypad locked beforehand.

She's still waking up at night at least once to eat. She's really likes food. And she's taking two naps a day which gives me time to clean the house (some) and clean her bottles and what not.

I'm sleep deprived and I'm sure there are so many more things that I should mention (like she has nice fluffy hair and she has her first freckle/mole). But that's it for now. I must go wash bottle and what not. And prepare to go to the store, the post office, and to exchange some shoes.

And we're off!

Baby Update: I Love Free-ish

September 16, 2008

The baby is currently entertaining herself with and empty 6 ounce tin of  smokehouse jalapeno almonds and my belt. The almonds were tasty and cheap and the belt cost less than $3. She's been playing with them for days (on and off of course, but day nonetheless).

She's also entertained by other cheap or existing items. Spoons, whisks, a metal cigar tube (empty and washed excessively), colanders, her own bottles, the dog, socks, her butt wipe container, and cell phones and remotes as mentioned previously.

As usual I'm sure there are other things that I'm not thinking of but she had me up twice for an hour each time last night and I haven't finished my coffee.

I can hardly wait for the "boxes-are-the-coolest-thing-ever" phase.

I have to go now. She's poised to knock the blonde off her head!

So that's it, world. You are now up to date on the tid bits of info I have sent out to family and friends.

I Heart Duct Tape

I love duct tape. It's so nice. I feel that it truly can fix almost anything. I don't understand the fascination with duct tape. I don't want to. I just enjoy enjoying duct tape. And I'm not the only one.

Just google duct tape and see what glorious things come up. DIY tips, fashion, accessories, practical jokes, baby care,... the only thing I don't think I've heard of is eating duct tape. 

I wonder... Wait. No I don't.

Le "Poop"

I have a child. A beautiful little girl. At least I think she's beautiful. People agree. Lip service or not, I appreciate the gesture. I can't be sure because I have said that not-quite-beautiful-children were beautiful. Who want's to piss off a new mother? Some of them are sleep deprived hormonal psychos. And you can't tell which ones they are just by looks. Trust me, I know.

Either way, my child has not "pooped" (yes, that is what parents call it after they can't say shit anymore) well in about a week. Having that said, I never thought that so much of my life would revolve around some one (other than myself) "pooping". She has been pushing out these little rocks that beg to be called turds, but are not "poop". "Poop" is a very special thing.

 

"Poop" has a consitency somewhere between oatmeal and peanut butter. And a smell that would rival anything you've ever stepped in. "Poop" makes a baby happy. "Poop" comes in many colours. There's green, yellow, brown, and even blue. "Poop", though smelling like the ass of a rancid something with a nasty whatever, is a powerful thing.

Thus, the lack of "poop" is also a powerful thing. "Poop" abides by the laws of physics. Everything has an opposite and equal reaction. And the opposite of "poop" is constipation. And is painful to everyone involved. No "poop" for baby. No sleep for mummy. The spiral continues from there. Mum is mean and angry and behaves like an ass to all she encounters thus pissing off everyone she meets. I am beginning to think that wars may have begun because of the lack of "poop". No one should say "the shit hit the fan". They should say "there is not shit to hit the fan". That is much scarier. 

But for now my child is sleeping and I shall soon sleep too. And visions of "poop" will dance in my head. But until "poop" happens, please, be kind. The next time a woman is rude or mean to you, remember her child may not have "pooped" for days. And that is how wars are begun.

Mashed Potatoes

When I was a kid, about 5 or 6 years old, I choked on a chicken bone. I'm not sure how, but I did indeed manage to get a bone down my throat.

  I remember the feeling of not being able to breathe. Wanting nothing more in the world than that one breath. Only wanting to fill my lungs once. Just wanting to suck in one glorious gasp of life giving oxygen. 

Of course, the bone dislodged itself and air gushed into my unobstructed lungs. It was delicious.

 Most children would probably have an aversion to chicken after such an experience. And naturally, I did.  But that moment, after that delicious breath, I decided I wouldn't eat anything I could choke on again. So in addition to my aversion to chicken, I developed an instant aversion to almost all solid foods.

 I decided to eat mashed potatoes. And only mashed potatoes. Soft, mushy, squishy, yielding, mashed potatoes.

At first, my family was accommodating, as children do go through phases. Thus boxes and boxes of Hungry Jack Mashed Potatoes were purchased for my consumption and with the assumption that my bland, freeze-dried potato flake obsession would pass, as they say, like sands through the hour glass. 

But days turned into weeks and as weeks turned into a month, my family became less accommodating and much more frustrated. They became concerned questioning whether or not a child could live on potato alone. I was taken to the doctor. The doctor told them as long as I was eating something, there's nothing to really be concerned about. Nonetheless, I was forced to drink protein and vitamin shakes. And this was before they tasted like chocolate. Think more vanilla chalk.

  What made this most puzzling to my family was the suddenness of this all. I had not told them about choking on the chicken bone. As far as they knew I developed an extreme love of mashed potatoes over night or was perhaps trying to boost Hungry Jack stock.

  After another month or so, I did start eating other foods again. But not for the reasons my family thought. I didn't miss other foods nor did I get over my fear of choking. The "health" shakes weren't even that bad. No, the real reason was my grandfather's belt. Nothing beat the fear of choking like the fear of a large man's large leather belt.

 I never forgave him for that. He never asked for forgiveness. Really there was nothing to forgive. He never hit me, only put the fear of leather in me thus enabling me to put solid foods into my throat again.

 He died a few years ago. He was sick. It wasn't that unexpected, yet still a shock. The first thing I thought of was mashed potatoes. It was all I could think about for days. To this day, I still think of him almost every time I eat mashed potatoes, or make them or see them or when I even think about mashed potatoes. 

 And I miss him.